He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
