listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
