hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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