Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
