I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
