He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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