I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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