people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
