the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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