She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We named our party play list daddy issues
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
