i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
