Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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