i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Girls should come with a carfax report
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
