I think I won the penis lottery.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
