peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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