When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
