how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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