He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
and you fell through a lawn chair
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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