Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
