What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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