PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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