Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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