Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just had sex on a roof
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
