Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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