I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A+ Viking dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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