Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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