I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
