i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize