This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
