it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
