based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize