He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
