I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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