p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
