Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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