I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
