Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
