hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
