oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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