I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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