Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
