It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
