fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
