Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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