Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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