I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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