Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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