The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
