Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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