Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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