swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
