I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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