I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
birth control should be required to get into college
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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