She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
