Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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