i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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