I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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