I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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