Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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