I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
