when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
