Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
