watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
