sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
