did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
