He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
