I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
