she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
