I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
