Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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