Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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