i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
