oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
