the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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