im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
