So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
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he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A bitchslap is in order.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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