he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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