I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
