Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
