she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
